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"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is end up with people that make you feel all alone." - Robin Williams

Online dating, a place where people try to find love and/or partner over there in these days. I've been doing online dating on/off for the last 10 years before I decided to quit altogether on 2023, and using an anecdotal evidence over my personal opinion about online dating is not exactly a strong evidence of online dating in the scale of the society, nonetheless, I still want to present my case on why online dating is for the lack of better terms, trash. 

I'll start off presenting anecdotal evidence (read: my own experience) using online dating on/off for almost 10 years. I start to venture into online dating when I was 18, using Tinder. At the time, I primarily used it as "social escapism", trying to find somebody that I can talk with. The concept of dating to me at that age was pretty much like a friendship, just with other gender (read: men, urghh). Anyway, I was chatting with few guys over the app, not fully understand what I sign up for. The conversation I had at the time was variety. I don't exactly remember fully what I was talking about with these guys, but it ranges from 'rempit flirting' to 'just chatting with a stranger' to 'you're an okay online friend that I have', and sometimes I've got conversation that eventually like an invitation to have some sexual activity with me🌈, whether it's subtle or full-blown explicit. I was definitely frightened whenever I got those messages, but my curiosity overdrives my scaredy-cat. At one point, I log off from Tinder and went on with my life. 

People once said that curiosity kills the cat, but the truth brought it to life and here we are. Going on and off across various online dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagels, etc. for the last 10 years. I did stop using for a while when I met my ex on Tinder, but after we broke up, I was on in again, but for different reason. Using online dating pre-meeting my ex was primarily used as a place I could chat up with strangers, no strings attached. Post-meeting my ex was more of I guess you could call it out of habit and filling up the loneliness after separated. The online dating scene do change a lot when I went back on online dating, but I don't know if it's for the better or for worst. As for myself, based on the experience that I've dealt with in the past, in addition to ✨fully development of prefrontal cortex✨, I've become good at detecting which guy is on dating apps for the fun, for some time-killing, or for serious relationship. Just a gentle PSA, eventually I did become the people that makes the online dating experience for others worst at some point, but that's exactly why I decided to quit using it entirely.

Okay, that was some explanation on anecdotal evidence on using online dating apps. Now, what about like scientific studies, or any social commentary on the topic given? Of course I have it with me. That's what I would do girl, reading and analysing. 

The existence of online dating is somewhat relatively new, and it's start booming in exponential during Covid lockdown in Malaysia (Jayalatika 2020; Yahya et al. 2022). People have various reasons in using online dating. It can be a straight-forward purpose like looking for a romantic partner & relationship, or some people opt for online dating for gratification (e.g. attention seeking, self-confident booster, out-of-boredom entertainment), seeking sexual attraction, or maybe building a meaningful friendship through online dating apps (Balan et al. 2023). It doesn't matter the reasons you're being there, 'cause hey, who am I to judge you for being in online dating scene; I've been there. 

Let's highlight on the points of people looking for romantic relationship in online dating apps. Based on the statistics by the Pew Research Center (2020), three-in-ten Americans have used a dating site or app, where 12% of it have married or been in a committed relationship with someone they met through online dating. Good for them ended up in building a romantic relationship through online dating. Even though the percentage is pretty low, that is still some number. However, for the rest of the American, their experience using online dating, it's pretty frustrated. 60% of the women users ages 18 to 34 experience where someone would be harassing them after being turned down or sending sexually explicit messages or pictures that they didn't ask for. And that's only based on the statistic of one study.

Another thing that I want to highlight on the downside of using online dating is that not only single people used the platforms, there are also people who have romantic partners are on the site. One study conducted in observing the links between people in romantic relationship using online dating apps and their intentionality in committing infidelity, found that there is a chance people commit to infidelity based on self-perceived desirability, however, they will unlikely to commit infidelity because of the abundance of potential partners (Alexopoulos et al. 2020). This is where the paradox of choice comes in, where in reality, having many choices makes us less inclined to pick one and making people feeling restless for the abundance of choices that can be made.

So, what is it the point that I'm trying to make here? Well, at the end of the day, online dating is one of the tools that can be used in trying seeking out romantic partner/relationship. Based on research papers, articles, and experience people tells, there are mixed reviews on the success rate of finding potential partner/relationship through online dating. The success of it depends a lot on so many variables, and not to forget, sheer pure luck. If there are people out there who struggles in online dating scene, I totally understand that its suck and that's okay. Based on my own experience alone, I have no luck in finding mate through online dating and I've dealt with the downside more that the upside of it. There are a lot of factors that plays into the success of me finding a partner in online dating, and if I have to point out one of the factors that can be tweak at is that I suck at self-promoting myself as a good potential partner, but that's just me. 

If you are trying to find love through online dating, I'm not saying you should give up. I'll support your journey in finding love and romance all the way. I'm just saying that you should gauge your expectation a little bit and do your due diligence in using online dating.