90: feline companionship

original capture image

Playing music: Strangers in the Night // Frank Sinatra
Hallo die Schikeria!

I have spent months living on my own. Nowadays, my socializing activity is pretty lacking because I kept myself indoors most of the time and I really don't have people that I can hang out with every now and then. Most of my friends have their own lives and not gonna lie, maintaining adulthood friendships is about the same as making appointments with the dentists. It's tough and always gets canceled. 

At first, it was hard for me to adjust myself to this kind of lifestyle. It was so lonely that I ended up making dumb moves that ended up making my life feel like crap than it already is. Met some weirdos, caught myself in other people's drama that I got nothing to do with it, and fooled around with people who thought that I was being genuine. It was bad. Then, I started to do some self-reflection and came to realize that this isn't what I want. 

I just want someone that I can hang out with every now and then, and people that I can talk to, especially during tough times. Basically, a friend. But yeah, with times like this, and being an adult, fuhh, that's a tough wish. Even Fairy Godmother be like; 

"Hey, lemme grant you unlimited ice cream wish instead, whaddya say?"

Living in this pandemic life era, meeting people online is pretty much the current norm. Gotta go with the flow man. I do meet a few online friends, which is great. We'll react and comment on each other Instagram stories, sometimes talk about our daily life journey and share each other songs and stupid memes. I also happen to be a good listener, one or two of my online friends will call or text me, telling me their concerning issues and sometimes ask for my advice related to it (which is something that i still have no idea why diz happen). Still, I am grateful to meet these people.

But yeah, my day-to-day routine is mostly spent in my room, doing my work, having a genuine conversation with cafeteria staff for like 5 minutes and that's it. I am alone. 

Sometimes, loneliness creeps in. When that happens, it's really hard to reach out to people because I'm a person that guards myself whenever I'm not okay. My friends remind me that I can always reach out to them if I need to, but I rarely did. I tend to deal with it by myself. The only time that I did reach out to people is when I really couldn't handle myself anymore. It's just me, and it's sucks.

As time passed, I have come to be more okay with the situation I'm in. Sometimes loneliness does creep in, but I know how to manage it (well, most of the time). Then one day, loneliness creeps in and I was on the verge to lose myself. As I was handling the situation and my emotions, something's happening. Cats started coming into my room.

How did it happen? I have no clue.

I remember one day, I opened up the door and went to the toilet. Finished my business at the toilet, I went back to my room. Out of nowhere, this fella comes running from the end of the hallway and stands in front of my room door. And I was like, where the heck this comes from? I just ignore the question and opened up the door. The cat starts to waltz into my room, does some stretching, and starts to sniff around my room. I don't bother that much about the cat and proceed with my life instead. As long as the cat doesn't make a mess and does not interrupt me, I don't mind the cat's presence. Then, this fella hops onto my lap and started to get comfortable around, and just sits there looking at me with such sparkling eyes. I looked at the cat and poof, loneliness went away.  I continued with my work while patting this cat that's laying down on my lap. The cat looks comfortable, and I'm feeling much better than ever. These cats helped me get through tough times. I'm very grateful for that. 

Nowadays, cats do come occasionally to my room, and thanks to them, I ended up meeting lots of people who charge up my social battery. It was a pleasant experience for me. Also, I've come to learn that I will never have a cat as my personal pet, 'cause oh my God, it is NOT EASY to take care of a pet. Cat's cute, sure. But having responsibility for taking care of it, yeah no thanks. I can't even take care of myself properly, how am I supposed to care for another being? There goes my childhood dream of having a cat as a pet. We are living in a mutually symbiotic environment, side by side, and happily ever after. The end.

Ps: I have an album of cats that comes and goes into my room, as a medicine that probably can cheer me up on dark days.