88: right person, wrong timing

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Playing music: That's Life // Frank Sinatra
Hallo die Schikeria!

"Here's a simple truth that I think we all need to face up to: the people we meet at the wrong time are actually just the wrong people." - Heidi Priebe

I remember reading this particular sentence, the first time I saw this snapshot of the page. Someone from Twitter shared this. Read this sentence many, many times until it makes sense to me. I did felt it does make sense, or so I thought.

Three years ago, I knew this one guy that I'd met from Tinder. From the first time conversation, we're instantly clicked, and later become friends. We were getting along so well. We talked about lots of random topics, share our interests with each other, and got to know more deeply about each other. This went on for like one-year plus. Then, we started to meet each other. From the first time I laid my eyes on this guy, that's where I knew that he was the one (lah tiberr drama hahaha).

Long short story, I confessed to him and yeah, we ended up being in a relationship. 
I know, crazy right?

Throughout the time I was with him, it was amazing. Felt that deep connection, have similar crazy wavelengths, shared similar interests and values. We even have our own inside jokes that only we can understand. As I get to know this guy deeper and observed him more, I came to realize that he actually check all the boxes on the kind of partner that I'm looking for in life. I was in awe. Every day I ask myself, do I even deserve any of this perfection in life? It felt like a dream that I just don't want to wake up from it. Sounds too good to be true, and it is. 

Orang kata, ku sangkakan panas berpanjangan, rupanya gerimis mengundang. 
The relationship ended. 

I was devastated. I went through the hell of a cycle dealing with this breakup. It was brutal. I'm not okay. I was a mess. Confused. Depressed. Roller-coaster emotions. It's a lot to deal with. Heartbreak is still a heartbreak, no matter how well you're dealing with the situation. Not to mention that I still have day-to-day basis life problems (read: mid-life crises) that are still rolling as usual. There you go, cheers to the good life! 

Thankfully, I still have people that helped me get through tough times. People that care about me. They were always there through ups and downs. I still have things that I'd hold onto in life. I survived going through all those times (giving myself a pat on my head). Now, I have come in peace with reality. I'm happy and feel content, despite everything that's happening to me.

A month ago, was the remarks of two years of our relationship. 

Now hold on, let me explain myself first. I know this is nonsense, but hear me out. I'm not trying to instill some fantasy, being in denial, and getting myself living in a nonexistence dream. I am well aware that the relationship has ended. I have no idea what happened to him, nor do I keep in touch with him ever since. We're now being complete strangers and carried out with our own lives. That's the reality.

This is where the real point starts.

The other day, I went to meet up with one of my close friends after two years of not seeing each other. We were catching things up about our current lives, went out to places, just hung out like old times. As we were talking about each other's lives, she started to ask about my current status.

"Dah berapa lama kau single?"
"Setahun, lebih kurang."
"Kau tak ada mencari sesiapa ke?"
"Tak. Aku malas."

As the conversation goes, I told her the actual situation that was happening between me and my ex and the reason why I haven't settled down with anyone ever since.

"It's kinda like you're meeting the right person, but wrong timing lah gitu?"
"Well, you could say it like that."

After long talks, she then suggested getting to know one of her online friends and recommending me to use Baitul Jannah (i cannot resist chuckling with the idea, such pure comedy). She's so eager for me to be with someone else. I get it. She cares about me, and I appreciate that. I just took note of her suggestion and keep that in mind. A few days later, I thought back about what she'd said. Meeting the right person but wrong timing.

"The people we meet at the wrong time are actually just the wrong people."

After thinking about it for some time, I come to the conclusion that I did meet the right person, unfortunately at the wrong time. But, to say that he's the wrong person, I don't know. The idea, it's just doesn't sit right with me. Probably I haven't fully moved on from him, who knows. I still do care about him. At the same time, I know that there's somewhere out there probably more suited for me. I wasn't meant to fall in love with only one person throughout my life. There are 7.9 billion people in this world (based on present data), so many possibilities that can happen.

I guess, when it comes to this situation of the right person, wrong timing, it depends on how was your relationship with this other person. At least for my previous relationship, it felt exactly like that. We're at different stages in life that don't align together for us to work as a team. So we ended up the relationship on an agreement. It's just bad timing, that's all.

What if he never comes? 
What would happen then? 
Am I still going to wait?
I demand answers to all these questions. I want it now! 

Sometimes, there are days where endless thinking like this comes. It makes me lose my mind so bad. I can't bear the anxiety of not knowing what's going to happen. I'm scared of the endless possibilities that are either going to help me become a better person or worst. Overthinking continues. As much as I want this overthinking to stop, this is just out of my hands. I can only control how to react to this overthinking, not the overthinking itself. I know clearly that I have come in peace with everything's that happening, but yeah. Sometimes life just gonna whacks you up here and there. It is what it is. 

At the end of the day, the only answer that I can give to myself is to live and let live; if it is meant to be, it will be.